Aux Pax Aut Bellum

In the Bible, there is a parable about a master who leaves his estate for a time. In his absence, he leaves his servants in charge to manage things. When he returned, one of the servants he threw out on his ass. However to the industrious servant, he said “Well done good servant!”. This strikes a chord… who doesn’t at least once in a while like to have one’s efforts acknowledged? One gets a feeling of satisfaction in this.

In the Essenes view, the role of “Me” to the cells in “my” body is quite analogous. The cells work with great industry, their nature to strive for perfection. They work against great difficulties, fighting against injury, adversaries, and the effects of entropy and time. So in the Essene’s view, the goal is to use “Our” thought to encourage the cells in their good efforts.

But this is not so easy.. I’m going to pick an easy target. The belly.

Many people would confess to disliking or even hating their belly, perhaps wishing it were smaller, perhaps just dumping in toxins that they choose not to express in words. Is it a wonder that the belly seizes up, hesitates to breath properly? The belly cells themselves might ask: “ A nice massage might be nice.. but least can you stop with the hatred and venom thoughts? It makes it very hard to work.” And perhaps freedom from such thoughts would allow for relaxation, comfort, breath to enter into their lives..

Can we even endeavor to be like a benevolent master to say to all of our hard working cells, one and all.. “Well done good servant!” and give them all equally the gift of our love and happy thoughts?

The Celtic Tarot’s meditation on Justice raises this question: “Look to my scales; is this balance you see or moderation? Which has more power to transform?

The answer is not given and I have been thinking a good deal on this. My immediate response would have been ‘balance’. That is the essence of Tai chi chuan and key to martial skill. However, that wasn’t the question: does balance have power to transform? In learning tai chi, it is actually the times where one is off balance that one is making progress - in fact is it common for one’s balance to temporarily decrease when working on something new.. In one sense, one must have enough inner balance to work through the difficulty, but on the whole balance is the goal, an adaptation to change but not a driver of change.

However, I was also not satisfied with ‘moderation’ as the answer. I know from rueful experience that it is possible to train for years without substantial improvement. Is moderation just going through the movements, keeping up a lukewarm effort? Or is there a deeper meaning?

I’ve learned from the Essenes is that change and transformation is possible, but that one must seek it with intense desire, with a fierceness. On the surface, this would seem the opposite of a moderate approach. However there is another way of looking at it. In engineering applications (e.g. nuclear power), the function of a moderator is to maintain a consistent level of energy. It has occurred to me that a danger of the Essenes’ approach is the risk of going off the rails. Perhaps the role of moderation is to allow one to keep up a sustained effort with a sufficiently high level of energy, while avoiding the extremes of disappointment and burnout.

I’m not sure if this is the right answer, but it is one that makes sense to me.

In tai chi theory, the universe began as a place without form. And from there two forces emerged, the active yang and the passive yin. The two act as a dialectic, an engine of change from which the the known universe, the ten thousand things, derives. On the tree of life, similar concepts appear in the supernal triad of spheres, Kether, Chokmah, and Binah (the unmanifest, the active, the passive).

Yin and yang are about change, but also balance. In the cycle illustrated by the tai chi symbol, one flows into the other. An axiom is that an excess of yin transforms into yang, and conversely. So my intent today is partially to provide some balance to yesterday’s story, to share something valuable that I learned from the teacher that gave me such heartache.

My old teacher, Steve, was a firm believer that yielding was the foundation of the martial art. As this is contrary to human nature, which is wired for ‘fight or flight’, it is also difficult to learn. So his teaching was extremely yin, the image of a leaf falling through the movements. In the later part of my time with him, he also became ill and eventually died, a relapse of a condition that he had successfully used tai chi to cure in his younger years. In retrospect, this turn of events further reinforced his yin positioning. At one point he even accused me of being there in class to steal his secrets.

When we reconnected with our former teacher, who Steve had broken ties with, he introduced a number of changes to our practice. Most notably an increased focus on integrating yang energy. One demonstration he gave was in our basic walking exercise, where one moves by shifting the entire weight from one foot to the other. When moving backwards, we were traditionally instructed to focus on the folding of the back knee driving the movement. However as a demonstration, he put a hand of someone’s back, creating resistance, and the movement was not possible - ‘no power’ was his verdict. Instead, it is necessary to also use active force from the front leg to give energy to the movement, making it possible to move through the resistance. Both yin and yang need to work together to create a power distinct from brute force.

I find the breathing is a perfect place to practice this. In the tai chi reverse breathing, you start with a complete exhalation. Then the inbreath is initiated by drawing in the abdominal muscles, with the outbreath accompanied by a pressing out of the abdomen. Done rightly, the drawing in is a yin sensation, almost a collapsing in, with the expansion clearly yang. So part of the practice is to observe the smooth transition of the two, yin exhausting to become yang, yang exhausting to become yin, in a smooth never ending cycle with no interruption during the transition.

However there is also a more subtle point. In the tai chi symbol, there is a space of yin in the yang, and vice versa. Think of water, the quintessential yin symbol. In a still pool, it is utterly passive. However in a raging brook, it is still water but with an internal force that can slice through a mountain over time. What is the force? The yang within the yin, in this case gravity.

Similarly in the breathing, while the inbreath is mostly about yin.. as trying to draw the muscles in mechanically causes them to resist and fight one another. However while primarily focusing on letting the muscles draw in passively, it is possible for the muscles to provide a subtle active component that further deepens the inbreath. Similarly, if one expands the outbreath too harshly, the front of the body will lock up, so some yin component is needed to soften the expansion.

This has been an area of focus for me recently, as I find ever greater depth in these ideas. I used to think tai chi was primarily about looseness and yielding, but the lesson gave me a practical understanding that tai chi is fundamentally about the conscious interplay of yin and yang energies in the body. As can be theoretically understood from the tai chi symbol itself. This is a lesson of inestimable value, and even though I have left him, I thank my former teacher for it.

I own a small amount of bitcoin, the value of which has been increasing a great deal in the past few months. As the price has increased, I’ve become increasingly uneasy with this arrangement. This is an attempt to understand why.

Bitcoin as a system is a transaction ledger which operates in a decentralized manner. Blocks containing transactions (changes in ownership of bitcoin) are created every 10 minutes. Computational resources called miners compete to be the one publishing the block by being the first to complete a computation, the difficulty of which will increase or decrease over time to approximate the 10 minute goal. The winner is rewarded with new bitcoin created as part of every transaction.

Currently the amount of electricity consumed by these computations (in aggregate) exceed the consumption of Argentina. I imagine that the exact relationship between the market price of bitcoin and electrical consumption is complex, however by laws of supply and demand if the price increases then it becomes more desirable as a reward, incentivizing additional power consumption. This appears to be a positive feedback loop, driving up prices and consumption over time.

My thesis then is that bitcoin is effectively monetizing waste of electricity. And for prices to remain at current levels (or increase), the ongoing consumption of electricity must continue or increase. Over the years, I’ve heard of alternative algorithms to proposed to address this, but thus far it seems this consumption is inherent to the system. And unless the system continues to chug away, bitcoin effectively ceases to exist.

One phrase of my dad’s was that ‘we do not live in a perfect world’. We live in an industrialized society and are all complicit in some degree to the impacts this society has on the planet. Even the basic necessities of life come with an impact, multiplied by a population in the billions. But at what point do we draw the line? At what point do we say ‘not this’ to a system that consumes massive amounts of resources to secure a small number of transactions? I can put off the question, rationalizing that my holdings of bitcoin are tiny, but eventually the question needs to be answered...

Today is just a review of the five stages of tai chi chuan, as I was taught. The stages are like milestones as one progresses through the art form. They are not hard and fast boundaries, and also not discrete - they build upon and encompass each other.

Mechanical This is the initial learning stage. One is just beginning to learn and attempt to replicate the movements. It is the ‘going through the motions’ stage. Additionally, memory is struggling so there are many stops and starts in attempting to execute the movement.

Coordination As time goes on, memory becomes less of an issue, and one can make it through the gross movements. However the action is still jerky and mechanical. In a common example, the hip movement (which produces the power) will stop but the hand and arm continues, resulting in twisting and misalignment (we would often admonish students: if the hip stops, the hand stops.). In chi gung, the breath might be similarly uncoordinated with the physical movements. The goal of this stage is to reach the point of effortless coordination of the different parts of the body, so they work together rather than being disconnected,.

Yi / Intent Eventually, the student’s movements gain coordination, the body moving together as a unity. However the movements do not contain any intention, one is still going through the motions. The goal here is to mentally focus on the intention of the movement. In the tai chi form, this relates to the martial applications behind the movements, so one must have absorbed some knowledge of practical application before this stage becomes possible. The focus is specifically on the body part generating the power in a given movement. So for example, if someone has my wrist and I want to offset them towards me, the intent would be in the sinking of the elbow.

Chi / Breath In tai chi, the breath is linked to the life forces. There is a saying.. the mind moves the chi and the chi moves the body. So in this stage, the breath and vital forces are driving the movements. This also relates to the topic of shielding, where the breath / chi can be used to protect the body from a physical impact. This is an area I’m actively working with, my previous lack of focus on chi gung likely limited progress in this area. My current belief is that there is a ‘feeling’ component to this stage, that sensitivity needs to be one’s guide,

Shen / Spirit In this final stage, one is no longer ‘doing’ the form, it is more a matter of being the form. The coordination, the intent, the breath.. all combine to make the movements effortless. The form becomes a moving meditation, with one’s spirit shining through the movements. In Essenes terms, it would be an experience of the ‘real you’, the inner divinity,

Tomorrow I’ll have some additional thoughts on how this framing might apply to other areas of life.

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Pertaining to the Dogsuit: “Peaceful creatures like the Cow, the Dove, the Heron, the Dog (but definitely not the Hound) act as Guides to powers of fruitfulness, gentle erotic joy, ...” — the underworld initiation, Stewart

For countless eons, the colony had struggled through the cold and dark. Nutrient had diminished, pollution rampant. Over these long years, the genetics of the species had grown sluggish, many losing hope and perishing altogether. The vigor of the colony was weakening.

However some held on to hope. Legends of the prophets spoke of a mysterious figure called the ‘Aker who controlled the rhythm of their lives. That when the time seemed most dire, the ‘Aker would transport them to the lands of summer, a place of wealth and ease. These renegades held faith in that covenant, believing that the ‘Aker in his mercy would not let the colony perish.

And so it occurred. The colony slowly became aware of changes in the environment. Every day becoming warmer, nutrient becoming more plentiful. Slowly the colony retreated from the brink. Their numbers increased, and in time the vigor returned to the species. The colony feasted in those sunny days, the old discipline of the minimum fading from memory. Those with the faith thanked the ‘Aker for his goodness. And the colony grew strong.

But again the prophets spoke: these summer days would not last forever. As the universe turns, the cycle must continue. A time of judgement would come to past, a great halving. The most worthy would be chosen by the ‘Aker to further his mysterious work. The remainder would be condemned, shunned by the ‘Aker to again quiver in the cold and dark.

And so the great halving did come to pass... and it was a time of chaos. The colony was shattered as the elect vanished, chosen the the ‘Aker for some unknown fate. The survivors huddled together as the warmth slowly disappeared.

The remaining of the faithful though, refused to despair. Though we ourselves were unworthy, they said, someday might our descendants be chosen? Might not our genetics one day further the ‘Akers work? These faithful few passed on the legends, the history, to generations to come. They kept the flame alive that some day the cold and darkness would pass, that a new day of summer would arrive. For surely it must be.. as the ‘Aker is just.

As to the fate of the rest.. the elect.. this was outside of the memory of the colony. Unknowable to them, as none of the elect had ever returned to the colony. To their story we will return tomorrow.

We live in a large town, ever growing larger. Across the street are a woods, eventually leading down to the river. The woods shelter a large number of deer, and while there are also a large number of coyotes, they don’t seem to curb the deer population much. At one point, the town hired sharpshooters to thin the herd, but there was a large outcry from the softhearted, so the practice wasn’t continued. This despite the large number of deer-related crashes in the area.

As the Gardener, I had come to hate the deer. They came across the streets and damaged the trees, bushes, and other plants that I planted and cared for - sometimes carelessly breaking off branches and trampling plants. And they roamed around the neighborhood like Hindu cows with no fear of humans, in a way I found offensive. Some of the softhearted would even feed the deer, even though this was illegal. But I considered them to be akin to a plague of large rats - I would shout at them to scare them off, and they would just look at me blankly.

My wife has long dreamed of hunting a deer, butchering it, and tanning and using the hide. Though we had been bird hunting together, deer hunting was not of personal interest to me - as red meat is not something I particularly seek out. However, having a friend who is an experienced hunter, I got a plan worked out and we found ourselves in a deer blind one cold Michigan morning.

Luck was with us that morning, as a group of deer moved into sight. My wife took the shot and it was a clean hit but ricocheted into a second deer, which then ran towards us. I was ready to take a shot, a coup de gras, but it was not necessary - the deer dropped before I fired. When we approached the downed animal, my previous feelings of irritation and dislike towards the species.. vanished. The deer was beautiful, there is no better way to say it. And I felt compassion and kinship with it, it’s life having come to a close, as all of our lives must.

That feeling stayed with me. I will still shoo the deer away from my plants. I still dislike our town’s weird fascination with tame deer and inability to come up with a sane herd management policy. However I can no longer find it within myself to hate the deer. It is curious thing.. that the Predator could find love for the prey, which the Gardener could not.

Taoism has a deep connection with nature - from one point of view, it is simply a philosophy and practice of bringing oneself in harmony with nature. Though tai chi might be considered a form of applied Taoism, our school seldom practiced outside. The times we did were out of expediency, a lot of room is needed to work with spears. The school had kind of an elitist attitude about this, thinking that people only practice outside when they lack a school or place to go train. There may be an element of truth in this, but it seemed a rigid attitude for an art form emphasizing flexibility.

The one exception I can think of was in regards to chi gung. Steve mentioned on a couple occasions that the ideal setting for little sky circle was halfway up the south side of a mountain, at dawn. There are not many mountains near me, so I have has few opportunities to try this. Also, as mentioned earlier, chi gung was.. not my favorite sort of training at that time.

As the reader may know, that attitude has been changing recently, as I’m beginning to see real value and practical application. So I was fascinated by the practice of solar and lunar etheric charging mentioned in the Paths of Wisdom book. These exercises are done outside, breathing in slowly, drawing in the energy of the sun / moon, then circulating it through the body. This was immediately attractive to me and I’ve been putting it into use. There seems to be some benefit even on cloudy days, but yesterday I was able to get a few rays of actual sunlight and I felt a great deal of warm positive energy afterwards, which was appreciated over the course of a busy and challenging day.

The lunar charging has a different feeling, cooler and more subtle. One feels not so much energized, but full of possibilities, or so I grok. I have been doing these practices in the woods and fields across the street. Most commonly partway up the hill near the oak, but sometimes in other spots like the ridge and the valley. The reverse breathing seems to work well with this, creating a kind of concavity on the inbreath that seems receptive to the rays. The Dogsuit seems bemused by these actions.

The book mentions that one should do solar charging before 10am and lunar before 10pm. I found this interesting as Steve had made the point that doing chi gung in full sun could overdo things and even cause sudden sunburn, so that could be a basis for the 10am guidance. However the 10pm guidance remains mysterious, as it bears no relationship to where the moon is in the sky.

Like many modern folks, I’ve historically paid little attention to the lunar phases and movement. Doing so has been an unexpected pleasure. It brings a sense of mystery and also peace... a sense of being a simple inhabitant of a living planet.

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Update:

Mr.Greer was kind enough to answer my question on the 10pm time. He was not aware of the reasoning behind this, and his current recommendation in each case would be to do the exercise when the sun / moon is rising.

I'm still trying to internalize the movements of the moon, but I believe that raises the interesting possibility of doing both etheric exercises one-after-the-other (given the appropriate time of month). Seems worth trying at least once.

That said, I have found in my experience thus far that I prefer to do the the lunar exercise at night. There is something about bathing in the pure moonlight and being surrounded by the moonshadows that has a distinct and coolly energizing flavor which I have found absent during the light of day.

Form notes:
- don’t move forward too soon in grasp birds tail, coordinate with the extension of the fingertips - and don’t stay forward. Think of a curve where you move forward to the point of full extension then begin to retreat as the motion exhausts.
- need better coordination, more power, in lotus kicks. Maybe consider adding them to the morning exercise routine?
- lean back and kick.. too much tension in the right foot.

I left the school at the end of 2019. I needed to make a break with the new head of the school - as I had found just avoiding him was not enough. His critical voice was in my head and I felt I needed to end any relationship or connection with him. This was hard as it also meant leaving many friends and fellow students (a large part of my life), but I know now that it was indeed a necessary thing.

As some background... The school was very traditional, and in my view authoritarian. There was one right way of doing things and it was whatever the head instructor said. Novelty was not encouraged, experimentation was not encouraged. This is to explain that I probably would never have started the Essenes course if I was still with that school.

I started the Essenes in summer 2020. I was skeptical at first, but soon began to find real value in the principles and practices. The Essenes teach that there is a subconscious self that exists in all the cells of our bodies. That we can strengthen that connection and work with it for improved health, happiness, and success in life.

In fall of 2020, I applied these principles to my working life and accomplished more than I would have thought possible. My main goal at that time was to change my relationship with deep work - so where previously I would close off in thought and get irritated with interruptions - now I would embrace the requests of others with kindness and enthusiasm. This was indeed possible and it was a good if challenging time.

When the year rolled around, this changed. For many years, my feelings about software and technology have been mixed at best. I question whether the modern hi-tech lives we lead are either sustainable or wise, with the disconnection from nature and the soul. I am however quite good at it so it pays the bills. And when I have clear goals and the latitude to do things as I see best, it is a mostly rewarding pastime.

That has been less the case recently, with days full of politics, unrealistic expectations, and groupthink. Along with this have been other misfortunes large and small. My personality is such that chronic problems without any clear resolution weigh on me, I tend to brood on them. This is especially true with problems facing those I love... I think part of me associates worrying with caring.

The Essenes flatly advise against worry. In their view, worry is sending bad messages to the cells, causing them to brew poisons, which in turn work contrary to health, happiness, and success. Sadly my recent experiences have confirmed this theory to my satisfaction. In recent weeks, I have witnessed a period of worry causing illness, digestive problems, and debilitation. I have concluded that worry is an addiction... and one I can no longer afford.

A person in a state of worry lacks a state of health and equilibrium needed to find solutions - to the degree solutions can be found. It is not a useful state of mind. Furthermore, I have a suspicion that that door swings both ways. In working with the Essenes to more effectively send beneficial messages to the self, opening the channel if you will, are not the negative worry messages going to be amplified as well? I don’t think the instructions have mentioned this but it seems logical and a risk that needs to be managed.

In the old days, Steve said that everyone feels stress, but that tai chi allows you to decouple the stress from the harmful effects on the body. This always seemed nice in theory, but I never realized it in practice. I believe now that we need to actively use the tools we have to avoid falling into a state of worry, which is a unadaptive response to stress.

Currently, I view stress as a pressure or weight that contracts the self. The worry builds as the self contracts. The Essenes provide many tools that can be used to counter this contractive force, including posture, positive thinking, and especially the breathing. The breathing method presented early in the course is very good for this. It is effectively creating an expansive counter-pressure against the contractive force that results in an equilibrium state. I have found combining this with the reverse breathing to be very effective, and I believe also relates to the tai chi concept of shielding. In my mind, I think of this technique as the Iron Shirt, as it feels like one is wearing an actual second skin.

I mentioned previously that worry seems to be an addiction and I believe this is literally true. I am making a conscious choice to remove worry from my life and use the tools given to me to achieve this. Living in a worry-free state of equilibrium needs to be my bare minimum and I will work humbly to achieve this.